Monday, January 22, 2007

Moment of Truth

Well, not quite the moment of truth yet, but it’s not too far away. I’m talking about my writing project, which is now well into its second year – my memoir. (I’m told I should call it an autobiography, since I’m relating my whole life story up to now. Whatever…)

For years I resisted doing this writing. Why? Because while I thought my story was interesting I couldn’t see of what value it would be to anyone beyond the few who love me and really care. Unless it had broader appeal and would be useful to readers who’d never heard of me it seemed like too big a job to take on. In other words, I’m willing to expend time and energy on something that will really make a difference. I’m not willing to engage in some narcissistic undertaking that might be satisfying for my ego, and that’s all.

What finally turned me around was that I saw that putting the story down might be an opportunity for me to unearth some nuggets that could be useful to others. Ways in which I’ve lived my life that have worked or not worked. What did it take to be happy and fulfilled? What was behind my success? What did I learn? What didn’t I see along the way that I see now? Insights that I think are worth passing on.

I want to underline that I said ‘might.’ I didn’t and don’t know for sure whether at the end of the story telling I’ll see anything. But I’ve gone ahead and written – and written. It’s up to well over 300 pages so far, excluding appendices (of which there would be many) and also excluding the last 15-20 years. I’m about 2/3 of the way through the 1980’s.

I have a commitment to finish this stage of the project and decide what, if anything, to do next by the end of this year. So I’ll keep going.

The truth is I’ve enjoyed the process. I’m surprised, since I’ve never been interested in reliving or wanting to relive the past. So going back and recapturing it all has been counterintuitive for me. Also, I’ve wanted to be brutally honest in assessing what I’ve done and suspect that I’ve been overly critical of myself. Maybe gone a little overboard in taking a ‘show them the warts and all’ approach. We’ll see.

In the meantime I’ll keep on writing.

To Be Continued … Sometime.


Blogger Sandra Marsh said...

My observation is that you have not been too critical of yourself. Of course, I'm only in Chapter 24 -- so there may be surprises ahead.
I think your device of questioning yourself is great.
Your hunny bunny.

12:55 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home