Thursday, July 20, 2006


This was a good day.

When I checked the obituaries (or at least the ones that got headlines), I saw that more people died who were older than I am rather than younger. If they’re younger it must mean that I’m somehow closer to the end. Some days it is that way. I call that a bad day.

I can’t remember when I started paying attention to obituaries. I mean really paying attention, not just noticing they were there. My guess is that it happened when I was about 60, 13 years ago.

And I noticed that something perverse was happening. This is one of those things you don’t like to admit, let alone write down, but here it is: I get a kind of satisfaction when I see that someone died before I did, especially someone I might have known or known about. It’s not that I’m happy they died. I’m not that perverse. Just a kind of feeling of superiority that I outlived him or her.
I’ll bet I’m not the only one who feels this way


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